Matt Steele
Name: Matt.
Answers to: Steve, Matty, Steeze, and Mateo.
Matt has been steady lurkin’ Pierpont Ave from the cradle. One day, in the middle of a long drink from the gutter outside of HGL, Billy took pity on the poor deranged bug-eyed man and offered him training in ACT/SAT test prep in lieu of bathing in an oil slick as he had planned for his afternoon. Matt recalls the experience, “It was nice to sleep on the HGL carpet for a change,” he then yelled something about being a, “Midnight, Planarian, hotel,” on the grass in the park. Matt hasn’t left HGL since, if you ever find him asleep in the copy room, rub his nose, its good luck (wash your hand).
When asked about higher education Matt screamed, “I done that!!” and pulled out his diploma that he keeps in his wallet at all times. He then explained, “Anthropology: The study of human biological and cultural diversity across space and through time.” He continued, “Yes, I quite enjoy reminiscing about my years at Yardale (the U of U), I soon thereafter joined the ranks of Salt Lake’s high society including Hope Woodside, JC at the Red Butte, and the Wizard of the Wasatch: Bob Athey.”
On a separate occasion, when asked about his absence during the last two summers from the Salt Lake salt lickers scene, he responded, “Estaba en Paraguay, viviendo con una famillia paraguaya donde todo el mundo habla el Guarani,” he then stood on a chair and yelled, “Mba’echapa rohaihu kuna’tai por’a.” Drilling further into this twisted character's sordid past might awaken long since repressed demons. These demons might be good evils, like Hellboy, Darth Vader, or Lauren from “The Hills.”
“Well, that explains last summer,” I questioned further, “but the summer before?” He responded,
“In Germany there are four trash cans where we have one,” and that, “If someone sees you put ‘Verpackung’ in the ‘Restmüll’ bin the police are called.” I felt as if I was getting closer to the truth; either Matt was completely delusional or so “with it” that he had gone back to completely delusional. The world may never know…
I suppose the moral of the story, the lesson of my years of observing this awkward and harebrained dirt-child, is that this guy could teach a mule to do SAT problems and if you are struggling in your Guarani language class he is probably the only person in Salt Lake who can help you.
Answers to: Steve, Matty, Steeze, and Mateo.
Matt has been steady lurkin’ Pierpont Ave from the cradle. One day, in the middle of a long drink from the gutter outside of HGL, Billy took pity on the poor deranged bug-eyed man and offered him training in ACT/SAT test prep in lieu of bathing in an oil slick as he had planned for his afternoon. Matt recalls the experience, “It was nice to sleep on the HGL carpet for a change,” he then yelled something about being a, “Midnight, Planarian, hotel,” on the grass in the park. Matt hasn’t left HGL since, if you ever find him asleep in the copy room, rub his nose, its good luck (wash your hand).
When asked about higher education Matt screamed, “I done that!!” and pulled out his diploma that he keeps in his wallet at all times. He then explained, “Anthropology: The study of human biological and cultural diversity across space and through time.” He continued, “Yes, I quite enjoy reminiscing about my years at Yardale (the U of U), I soon thereafter joined the ranks of Salt Lake’s high society including Hope Woodside, JC at the Red Butte, and the Wizard of the Wasatch: Bob Athey.”
On a separate occasion, when asked about his absence during the last two summers from the Salt Lake salt lickers scene, he responded, “Estaba en Paraguay, viviendo con una famillia paraguaya donde todo el mundo habla el Guarani,” he then stood on a chair and yelled, “Mba’echapa rohaihu kuna’tai por’a.” Drilling further into this twisted character's sordid past might awaken long since repressed demons. These demons might be good evils, like Hellboy, Darth Vader, or Lauren from “The Hills.”
“Well, that explains last summer,” I questioned further, “but the summer before?” He responded,
“In Germany there are four trash cans where we have one,” and that, “If someone sees you put ‘Verpackung’ in the ‘Restmüll’ bin the police are called.” I felt as if I was getting closer to the truth; either Matt was completely delusional or so “with it” that he had gone back to completely delusional. The world may never know…
I suppose the moral of the story, the lesson of my years of observing this awkward and harebrained dirt-child, is that this guy could teach a mule to do SAT problems and if you are struggling in your Guarani language class he is probably the only person in Salt Lake who can help you.
